Monday, March 26, 2012

Note to Myself: Found Magics

Found a Silver Mercury Dime (1945) at work last night.

Never seen one before now.

Hauling ass on Etsy store plans.

.......leg/hip feels slightly less awful for the first time in weeks....

More later.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


He respects me.
He loves me.
He cares for me.
He cares about me.
He protects me from myself and the outside world.
He lets me stand on my own two feet.
He stands by my side.
He gives unconditionally.
He gives what he can.
He gives, even when he cannot afford to.
He asks for nothing in return.
He tells me the truth.
He tells me stories.
He tells me the most beautiful things.
He makes me smile.
He makes me laugh.
He makes me cry, but never in sorrow.
He knows more about me than I do.
He knows nothing about me.
He wants to learn all there is.

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Guard Dog is Knighted

On February 27th, I finally stopped floating my raft down Denial and admitted to both myself and the Guard Dog that I love him.

What has been blatantly obvious to everyone and anyone who sees us is now very clear to the both of us as well XD

Life has continued to be amazing. So much so that I haven't even had time to check and update social networking let alone the blog. When I'm fully able to grok all that happened, then I will write about it. Right now, the magic is still flowing strong. *giggle like a silly fairy and skitters off*

To all the Gods, Spirits, Ancestors, Guardians, and other critters who helped make this skeptical Witch into a true Believer:

Thank you. Thank you all. I asked for a sign, I got it. One after the other, all the pieces fit into place until there was absolutely no doubt in my mind who this Man was to me. The final piece that completed the puzzle has yet to fit, but I know it will (unless the Universe is like Milton Bradley and there's always a piece or two missing). There is no such thing as Perfect, but there is such a thing as Just Right.

My Knight is Just Right for me. To him, I'm his Princess, and his Witch. He knows what I am, he even understands some of it, and there's more to him than I could ever explain in words. He loves me for me, and there has never been any doubt that his attraction was merely physical. I've never been shown this much attentive care before in my life. Sometimes it's overwhelming and I feel fear and doubt crawl into position to pounce. But then I think of my Knight, and feel him by my side, and he gives me strength and comfort. 

I KNEW his middle name before he ever told it to me, before I could have even tried to find out. 

He IS my Knight. And someday, I hope, my King...

Thank you. For ever and always. Thank You for Him.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Notes to Myself: Running with Dogs & Personal Upkeep

The Guard Dog is currently in the front running. There is some SERIOUS energetics between us and it is very frightening and new to both of us, neither one knows how to proceed on things. We're both going blindly along, but at least we're holding hands and going together. We both keep hearing possible signs and omens, but we're both too cautions to speak about them directly. Our first real separation since beginning this strange journey is upon us, and neither one was doing as well as we had hoped. There is constant communication, which runs the gamut of "normal topics of conversation" to "Wow, this is such a weird thing we're both feeling, are you experiencing the same shit I am?"

He has training that I can never fully know the details of, but I wonder how much of his perception is from his training or his genetics? How much does he KNOW from his own experiences or research vs what he UNDERSTANDS as Truth? How much is he willing to believe? What does he already believe?

He's not an Old Dog yet, I think I can teach him a few more tricks >:3 I just hope he's a quick reader.

The Alpha Wolf is.. still hard to read. Often I feel more like a therapist than I do anything else, but the perks at the end of our 'sessions' make up for the delay. He's been seeking me out more lately, and while I have been letting my attention slide due to GD, I do make time for Alpha.

The Wolfhound has been disqualified from the race, by means of being a prick.

So now things are settling into some kind of pace towards the positive, I must speak of the Negative.

After Tuesday, I'll finally be physically freed from a huge weight that's been dragging at my psyche. After Tuesday, I will be free of that THING, once and for all. Then it will be a simple matter for cleaning up the final mess and I will be DONE WITH HIM FOREVER.

I have been unable to progress in my life beyond this point in time. It all hinges on the cusp that I know I must grok to fullness. I LIKE where my life is heading now. I LIKE the person I'm becoming, the version of me that no one else has ever seen. I LIKE the people in my life and the weeds are being pulled as they make themselves known.

I've helped two souls already beginning their own healing process. I've felt my own soul grow stronger and begin to fix itself of damage I hadn't even realized was done.

GD has helped immensely in this. His very presence  calms and balances me. I still have juvenile reactions to intimacy, however, and it irks me to no end. I'm afraid to look at him or have him see too much of me. Almost all our encounters have been fully clothed, and only this last time did I make things easier by getting 'comfortable' after work. But in spite of the strong desire for physical contact, I felt... dirty for wanting it. It had been so long since what I wanted mattered, I had to stop myself from interpreting his hesitant motions as 'he's only doing this b/c he wants more.' I didn't know where it was going to stop, but when it got to be too much for me, he wasn't offended when I moved his hands away.

Respect is the one thing that I have rarely if even been shown by lovers. Adoration, desire, lust, yes, but respect is one of those concepts that you only understand if you've ever lost it all.

And GD respects me. He would do anything I asked him. Something I don't even need to ask, only show him or tell him ONCE and he retains the information.

It's an alien concept.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Baaaad Saliva Trip

Saliva 10X. I've used it twice before and had no adverse effects, both times were in safe surroundings, and as unnerving as the hallucinatory experience was, both were good trips with productive visions.

Not so with this last one. And I do mean last, I don't think I'll use it again at that strength. If ever again.

I had just finished a bedtime ritual on Valentine's Day to thank the gods for their blessings and to continue to bring more love into my life. Got into bed, lit bowl, inhale. Didn't get much, took a second hit. Big mistake.
The world turned into a very creepy Raggedy Ann & Andy cartoon world that had such a strong feeling of deja vu, I was terrified of which reality was Prime. Everything in my room was alive (a belief I've always had, but this was... wrong). I fell off the bed and rolled around, trying to pull myself out of it. Thankfully, the cat came over and I fixed on her. I remember saying "Achilles, help Mommy out of this!" She left the room and I followed her, crawling on the floor until I reached the doorway to the living room. I pulled myself up and clung to the wall, trying to shake the prickly cold feeling of being between worlds and struggling to ground myself in Prime Reality. Thoughts swirled in my head, words tried to form themselves on my tongue but I just couldn't croak them out. The feeling that I was just moments away from the break thru I'd been searching for was maddening, but it was also a coin toss between getting answers and losing my sanity. I called out for the Guard Dog and just saying his name brought a little bit of me back, it calmed me. I stumbled into the living room and groped for a light switch. Flipping the switch brought me back to the world and as the visions faded, I began to cry.

I had done a lot of research on Saliva before I ever tried it. I think the last 2 times had been a weaker extract (5X i think) and from a different supplier. This was a lot more potent and I was unprepared for the negative effects. While it has definitely turned me off of Saliva, it has also reinforced the fact that one MUST RESPECT THE SPIRITS OF THE PLANTS. They should not to be used recreationally (Cannabis is a grey area), but with proper setting, research, experience, and knowledge, Even then, one still takes the risk of not coming back. While I know that entheogens are to be a part of my practices, I will always use precautions and if I ever EVER decide to try hallucinogens again, it will be only after years of research and with a sitter. I have not be scared off of the path entirely, but I took a foolish risk, thinking I knew what I was doing. I'm lucky I got myself out of it with no damage.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Guard Dog Proves His Title

I had a creeper show up at work tonight. He made me wicked uneasy while I was trying to work, following me with this predatory look in his eyes, and M, my co-worker, didn't like him hanging around either, but was unable to kick him out. So I text the Guard Dog and he offers to come up and keep an eye on things.
Creeper finally leaves, saying he'll be back later. M sticks around until her shift ends and then heads home. I send word to GD that I'm now alone and he can come up if he wants to, I'll reimburse him the gas if it's a bust.
30 minutes later, GD walks in.
Less than 5 minutes later, Creeper arrives. He stakes out a table in the corner while I'm putting away stock and talking to GD. With GD there, things are VERY different. Before, I got the distinct feeling that Creeper was trying to undress me by sheer force of mental will. Now, it was like he wasn't even there, cowering in the corner until I had to kick him out for closing time.
GD stuck around and drove me home, just in case Creeper was sitting outside.

The Guard Dog truly lives up to his title.